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Parsha Perspectives

by RABBI LABEL LAM

ויאמר בת מי את הגידי נא לי היש בית אביך מקום לנו ללין ותאמר אליו בת בתואל אנכי בן מלכה
אשר ילדה לנחור ותאמר אליו גם תבן גם מספוא רב עמנו גם מקום ללון

“And he said, ‘Whose daughter are you? Pray tell me. Is there room in your father’s house for us to spend the night?’ She said to him, ‘I am the daughter of Bethuel the son of Milcah whom she bore to Nahor.’ And she said to him, ‘Even straw and feed is plentiful with us as well as a place to lodge.’” (Genesis 24:23 -25)

“‘I am the daughter of Bethuel’ – She answered the first question first and the second question second” (Rashi).

Rebecca had shattered all records and standards for acts of kindness: providing water for Eliezer, his attendees and his ten camels. Eliezer then asked her two questions, to which Rashi comments that she answered in order. Why was the fact that she answered Eliezer’s questions in sequence so significant?

One of the traits that characterize a learned person, as taught in Pirkei Avot (Ethics of the Fathers 5:9) is that “he discusses first things first and last things last.” Clearly, this trait is not trivial. But why?

Rabbi Yaakov Yitzchak Rabinowitz of P’shischa, otherwise known as the Yid HaKadosh, said that a Jew needs three things to be complete: He should be wise, kindly, and religiously devout. He explained that each one of the three attributes alone, without the complement of the others, could potentially produce more harm than good.

One who is only wise, he elaborated, may be inclined to use his mind to become a thief and devise intricate schemes. Left to its own devices, brilliance and intelligence do not necessarily lead to making the right choices. Countless examples exist of people who have used their superior intellect as a tool or a weapon to promote their selfish interests and perpetrate both subtle and overt crimes.

The one who is only kindly, the Rebbe said, is at risk of becoming self-indulgent. Without boundaries and discipline, one can start being kind to his neighbor, but eventually be unable to refuse any request – even when it is detrimental to himself. Overindulging a needy person with kindness can sometimes be as damaging as being callous. True kindness therefore, must never be done on impulse.

Lastly, the Rebbe commented, a devout religionist runs the risk of being spiritually superficial, or a monk-like ascetic. To a person with a hammer, every problem is a nail. If moral discipline is the only tool available, then “no” is always the only option. Avoiding all temptation becomes the best defense, and therefore, life and love remain unengaged and unfulfilled.

In order for a Jewish person to be complete, he must simultaneously cultivate all three aspects of his personality. 1) Develop his mind and sharpen his thinking-process through study, 2) cultivate a passion to help and to perform acts of loving kindness for others, and 3) remain obedient to conscience and law, and develop the strength to avoid yielding to unproductive and capricious desires.

Rebecca encompassed the unity of the three personality traits. By answering the questions in order, she demonstrated that she was not impulsive (i.e., she did not instinctively respond at first to the last question, the most recent entry in her mental registry). It also showed that her kindness was tempered by intellect, and her desires and actions by modesty (see Genesis 24:65, describing the initial encounter with her future husband).

Rebecca’s kindness was refined and well-thought-out. As such, she was absolutely suited to be the mother of this great and holy nation.

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Parsha Talking Points

by RABBI ELAZAR MEISELS

1. CLOTHES MINDED

“And the servant took out articles of silver, articles of gold and garments, and he gave them to Rivka. To her brother and mother, he gave delectable fruits.” 24:53

Delectable fruits – These were fruits from the Holy Land. – Rashi

To her brother and mother, he gave delectable fruits – This teaches that the groom should pay for the wedding feast of his own possessions. – He’Emek Davar
Nowadays, for a variety of reasons, the custom in many places is that the bride pays for the wedding feast, while the groom covers all associated costs of the wedding.

The garments he presented her were sent along with him by Isaac for his future wife. How could Isaac possibly have known what size clothing she would need if he didn’t even know her identity? The Gerrer Rebbe zt”l explains that the purpose of these garments was not for her to actually wear. Rather, it was a message to his intended wife about the type of garments he would expect her to wear. Unsure of the environment in which she was raised, Isaac wished to impress upon her beforehand the importance of modesty in his home. Thus, he sent along examples of articles of clothing so that Rivka would know beforehand the level of modesty expected of her.

2. TAKE TWO TABLETS

“And it was when the camels finished drinking and he took a golden nose ring, one beka was its weight, and two bracelets [he placed] upon her hands, ten gold shekels were their weight.” 24:22

And it was when the camels finished drinking – He waited until after the camels finished drinking, a significant amount of time after she had finished drawing the water for them, and he saw that all this time, she made no mention of payment for her efforts. This led him to believe that her actions were purely out of a charitable desire, and he knew that she was suitable for Isaac. – Sforno

Beka – This symbolized the Shekalim that the Jewish people later brought for the Sanctuary, one beka per head.
Two bracelets – These symbolized to her the Two Tablets that we received from G-d.
Ten golden shekels – These symbolized the Ten Commandments that were inscribed upon the two Tablets. – Rashi

Through these gifts, he hinted to Rivka that by accepting Isaac’s marriage proposal, she would be a partner in bearing a nation that would one day partake of all these lofty activities. – Rabbeinu Bachya

The two bracelets that represented the Two Tablets contained another important symbolism as well. To demonstrate their value, he presented her with very heavy ones weighing ten golden shekels. Shouldn’t he have been concerned that their weight would be a turn-off for Rivka? After all, who likes to carry around weighty objects? He knew that since they were jewelry and adornments, this would not be a problem, for a woman tends not to mind the extra weight of her jewelry when she considers their beauty and symbolism. Similarly, the mitzvos contained in the Tablets could be considered by some as mere annoyances that add needless “baggage” to our lives. They’re just an inconvenience and get in the way of enjoying life. Yet, if these people would consider them gifts from the Almighty to His people, given to us out of the purest love, they would immediately dismiss their weightiness and wear them with pride.

3. WATCH WHAT YOU PRAY FOR

“And the servant told Isaac all the things that he had done. And Isaac brought her into the tent of Sarah his mother, and he took Rivka and she was a wife to him and he loved her. And Isaac was comforted over the loss of his mother.” 24:66-67

The servant told Isaac all the things – He revealed to him the miracles that were done for him that the earth contracted for him [greatly shortening his journey] and that Rivka appeared before him in response to his prayers. – Rashi

The tent of Sarah his mother – When he brought her to the tent of his mother, all of the special blessings that were present during Sarah’s lifetime returned. – Rashi

Chasam Sofer (Rabbi Moshe Sofer) explains the sequence of events as follows: Eliezer harbored great doubt over his choice of Rivka, because he feared that she might not actually be suitable for Isaac and only appeared before him because he had prayed with such devotion. It is possible, explains Chasam Sofer, for one to receive an answer to his prayers that isn’t necessarily in his best interest if he requests a quick rather than a sound resolution to his problems. Therefore, he shared the entire sequence of events with Isaac so that Isaac could make a more informed choice. To be absolutely certain of her suitability, Isaac waited until he saw that she merited the same blessings as his mother had, and he then accepted that she was his ideal wife, and he married and loved her.

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Partner Talk

SOMETHING FISHY GOING ON

by RABBI LEIBY BURNHAM

Dear Rabbi,

I’ve been invited several times by a family in my neighborhood for Shabbat dinner. I love the warmth, the sense of family, and of course the food! After the traditional gefilte fish, the host makes sure that everyone has a drink (sometimes a hard one!) before continuing the meal. Is this a custom or obligation, or just their way of doing things?

Sincerely yours,
Josh T.

Dear Josh,

Your question touches on a very important halacha (Jewish law). The reason that people have a drink between the fish and the soup is based on a statement found in the Talmud (Pesachim 76B), that says that eating meat and fish together can cause certain health problems. Based on this statement, the Rabbis forbade eating meat and fish together (S.A., Y.D. 116:2). This is under the rubric of laws that the Rabbis enacted because of sakanta, physical danger.

The category of laws enacted due to sakanta includes the prohibition against putting coins in one’s mouth, or drinking beverages left open for extended periods of time, due to the danger of various contaminants. (Ibid. 116:3, 1). Not harming oneself is a Biblical prohibition, as it says, “And you shall safeguard yourselves greatly” (Deut. 4:15), and it is based on this that the Rabbis made certain laws designed to help us safeguard our health. Although we don’t always see the health benefits of these laws, we have full trust in our Rabbis and their wisdom which stems from a Divine source. The law about not putting coins in the mouth is a good example of a law in which the most astute science minds for centuries could not see any benefit, but after the discovery of bacteria, it became recognized as a very important law in safeguarding one’s health.

So we don’t eat meat and fish together, but how do we separate between them? There is no waiting period required like there is between meat and milk, but there is often a residue that coats the inside of one’s mouth due to the fatty texture of foods like fish and meat. To remove this coating when switching from fish to meat or meat to fish, one should rinse his mouth and eat something between them (Ibid. Rama, 116:3).

You may observe people having a L’chaim between the gefilte fish and the soup to fulfill this requirement. While there is no requirement to drink something alcoholic, there is an opinion in Jewish law that says that one should not use water as the dividing beverage. That opinion is cited as a possible reason for people drinking some wine or a shot of whiskey instead (She’arim Metzuyanim b’Halachah 33:2).

It is important to note that the L’chaim only takes care of half of the requirement, and before eating anything meaty, one should also eat something, which can be accomplished easily by having a piece of challah.

There is an important distinction between laws that are based on Torah prohibitions, known as issura, and laws that are made due to a physical danger, sakanta. It is prohibited for two friends to sit at the same table if one of them is eating meat and one is eating milk, unless there is something special placed on the table to divide the two of them. This is because we are afraid that being comfortable with one another, they will taste each other’s food, resulting in them eating meat and milk. This often comes up when a husband is eating a meat dinner and his wife, who perhaps ate with the children, is just having a light dairy snack. They should use something such as a placemat, to clearly delineate between the two.

However, when it comes to sakanta, laws made due to some danger, the Rabbis did not require one to make any distinctive marker between one who is eating meat and one who is eating fish. Indeed, at many weddings, they will serve a fish plate to one person and a meat plate to his neighbor. This is because, people are much more careful to stay away from something dangerous, than something prohibited, so we don’t need a reminder. However, one may not serve fish and meat on the same plate, as the two will likely be intermingled.

All the best,
Rabbi Leiby Burnham

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Table Talk

FOR DISCUSSION AROUND THE SHABBAT TABLE

by RABBI LABEL LAM

“And these are the days of the years of the life of Abraham which he lived; a hundred years and seventy years and five years. And he expired and he died in a good age, mature and content. And was gathered to his people.” (Bereishis 25:7-8)

א) The description of Abraham’s life with the words “these are the days of the years of the life of Abraham which he lived” is in stark contrast to that which is written regarding Ishmael, “These are the years of the life of Ishmael.” How is living “the days of years of the life” meaningfully different than merely living the “years of the life”?

ב) What is meant by the added words “which he lived”? Of course he lived them! (Malbim)

ג) The Torah tells us that Abraham was gathered up to “his people”! (The expression “gathered up,” as explained by the author of Gesher Chaim, is the stage when the soul goes is returned to its heavenly station.) As Abraham was the founding father of a new nation, who would be considered “his people”?

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Parsha Summary

Sarah, the Matriarch of the Jewish people, died at the age of 127 in Kiryat Arbah, in Chevron. Abraham negotiated with Ephron the Hittite to buy a burial plot (Cave of Machpelah) for Sarah.

He made his faithful servant, Eliezer, swear to find a bride for his son, Isaac. He specified that she must not be from the Canaanites.

Eliezer kept his word and went to Nahor to find her. He rested by the well, creating a test for the future bride: She will offer both him and his ten camels to drink. Rebecca, the daughter of Bethuel, passed the test – with even extra kindness and care than the test demanded. Eliezer gave her lavish jewelry. Only then did he ask who she was and whether there was room in her family’s home for him to spend the night. She answered his questions properly (see Parsha Perspectives).

Upon seeing the new jewelry Rebecca was wearing, as well as the ten camels, Lavan (Rebecca’s brother) came out to greet Eliezer. Greedily, he invited Eliezer into his home, but the guest would not eat until he explained the purpose of his arrival.

Eliezer began by identifying himself as the servant of Abraham. He then described the vow he undertook and the way in which he chose Rebecca as the future wife of Isaac.

Lavan and Bethuel identified the circumstance as an omen from Hashem, and agreed to the marriage. However, they asked that Rebecca remain at home for 10 months to one year. After Eliezer disagreed, they asked her if she would go with him immediately, and she said she would. They gave her a blessing, and she left with Eliezer for Canaan.

Isaac was praying in the field when he saw the camels approaching. Rebecca fell off her camel, and upon discovering that this man was her future husband, she covered her face out of modesty. They married.

Abraham married Keturah (some commentators say that she was actually Hagar). He died at the age of 175. The parsha lists the descendants of Ishmael, who died at the age of 137.

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