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Parsha Perspectives by Ozer Alport
(ויבא גם אל רחל ויאהב גם את רחל מלאה ויעבד עמו עוד שבע שנים אחרות (29:30
“Jacob married Rachel and loved her even more than Leah, and he worked for Lavan another seven years.”
Jacob was exemplary in his devotion to Torah study. At the age of 60, instead of traveling immediately to Lavan’s house to seek a wife, he first stopped at a yeshiva to study Torah for 14 years. Upon arriving at the house of Lavan, he agreed to work for seven years in order to marry Rachel. At the end of that period, Lavan tricked him into marrying Leah instead.
When Jacob confronted him about the “bait and switch,” Lavan proposed that he would allow Jacob to marry Rachel if he agreed to work for an additional seven years. Rashi writes that whereas the first time Jacob was required to work all seven years before the wedding, this time Lavan allowed Jacob to marry Rachel immediately, after which time he was to complete his obligation to Lavan by working a second set of seven years.
As it was Lavan who had intentionally deceived him and reneged on their original agreement, why did Jacob remain in Lavan’s house to work for him for an additional seven years? Jacob had fulfilled his obligation to work for seven years in order to marry Rachel At this point, why didn’t he take leave of Lavan and return to Canaan to study Torah?
Rabbi Dovid Feinstein explains that although Jacob wasn’t legally required to stay, had he left at this point, Leah would have been devastated. She would have felt that her husband viewed Rachel as being worth seven years of work, but not her.
Even though the extra seven years of work came at the expense of his ability to study Torah and to escape the evil influences of Lavan, it was worth seven full years of hard work and spiritual sacrifice simply to avoid hurting the feelings of his wife Leah.
The following story shows a modern day example of the great concern and sensitivity demonstrated by Jacob. Rabbi Aharon Kotler, the founder of the Lakewood yeshiva, was legendary for his devotion to studying and teaching Torah. Once, shortly after leaving his home on his way to yeshiva, he asked his driver to turn around and return to his home. His driver couldn’t imagine what he had forgotten that could possibly be so critical, but he immediately returned to Rabbi Kotler’s home.
The driver offered to run inside to fetch whatever was forgotten, but Rabbi Kotler insisted that he would go to the house himself. The curious driver followed to observe what was so important and was astonished to observe Rabbi Kotler tell his wife “Goodbye, and have a wonderful day,” and return to the car. Rabbi Kotler explained that every day he said goodbye to his wife before leaving. That day he had accidentally forgotten, and he didn’t want to hurt his wife’s feelings. Only after expending the time to return home and personally say goodbye was he able to proceed to yeshiva to teach his class.
The Mishnah in Ethics of our Fathers (3:17) teaches us that without proper character traits and sensitivity to others, there can be no Torah study, a lesson we learn from the actions of Jacob and Rabbi Kotler. return to top
Ozer Alport can be reached at ozer@partnersintorah.org
Please pray for a complete and speedy recovery for Bracha Sheindel Rachel bas Chaya Sarah & Mordechai Hirsch Ben Miriam
talking points - parshas VAYEITZEI
Rabbi Elazar Meisels
1.Know Your Place
“He encountered the place and spent the night there…” 28:11
- The Place – The Torah does not indicate which place it was? It must be referring to “the place” mentioned in an earlier narrative; Mt. Moriah, where Avraham bound Isaac on the altar, as it says, “And he saw the place from afar.” - Rashi
Why did the Torah choose to conceal the identity of the place and force us to extrapolate its identity from the verse regarding Akeidas Yitzchak (Binding of Isaac)? Perhaps this is to alert us of a profound association between the two incidents. The reason Jacob would now experience a prophetic vision that would promise him divine protection and the Land of Israel, was due in part, to the great sacrifice his grandfather and father made at this very spot many years prior. The Jewish people did not emerge suddenly on the strength of a surprise revelation to a random individual. They are a result of generations of devoted and loyal service to Hashem in the face of unlimited adversity.
2.Gateway to Heaven
“And he became frightened and said, ‘How awesome is this place! This is none other than the house of Hashem and this is the gate of heavens.’” 28:17
o The House Of Hashem – This is not an ordinary place, but a sanctuary of Hashem’s name and a place suitable for prayer. – Targum Yonason
o How Awesome Is This Place – From here we derive that one who prays in this spot in Jerusalem is considered to have prayed before the Heavenly Throne – Pirkei D’Rabbi Eliezer
o This Is None Other Than The House Of Hashem – This mountaintop is unlike the surrounding mountains, which were all used for idol worship. This mountain is the House of Hashem, and has never been used for that profane purpose – Yismach Moshe, VaYeira, Rabbi Moshe Teitelbaum (1759-1841)
o Gate of Heaven – “One who prays outside of Eretz Yisroel should direct his heart toward Eretz Yisroel…One who stands in Eretz Yisroel should direct his heart toward Yerushalayim… in Yerushalayim toward the site of the Beis HaMikdash…in the Beis HaMikdash toward the Holy of Holies…what emerges is that all Jews [wherever they stand] direct their heart [and thoughts] to one place. – Talmud, Tractate Brachos 30a
The Western Wall, the last remnant of the Beis HaMikdash (Holy Temple), is cherished by Jews the world over for Hashem’s receptive attitude toward the prayers offered there. This belief is not built upon a modern myth or politically motivated claims, but on an age-old legend whose origins lie in this verse. Long before Christianity or Islam came into existence, the Patriarch Jacob proclaimed the value of this particular mountain by referring to it as the “Gates of Heaven” through which all our earthly prayers ascend..
3. Unprovoked Hatred
“And Lavan awoke in the morning and he kissed his children and his daughters and he blessed them. And Lavan went and returned to his place.” 31:55
He Blessed Them – His blessing was insincere. He blessed them with his lips but not with his heart. – Panim Yafos Parshas Balak, Rabbi Pinchas Horowitz (1731- 1805)
o He Kissed His Children And His Daughters – But Jacob, his son-in-law, he did not kiss goodbye. His expressed desire to forge a peace treaty between them could not erase his enmity for Jacob. – Rav Shimon Schwab zt”l in the name of the Chafetz Chaim zt”l
o And Lavan Went And Returned To “His Place” – To his old station in life. He left the encounter completely disaffected by his meeting with Jacob as if he knew him not. – Meshech Chachmah Rabbi Meir Simcha of Dvinsk (1843-1926)
Lavan was a classic anti-semite. His hatred toward Jacob knew no bounds and was not driven by logic. Jacob enriched him greatly during his stay there, married his daughters and treated them life royalty. Jacob tolerated all of Lavan’s shenanigans in silence and asked for a raise only once in twenty years. Rather than appreciate him, Lavan heaped scorn upon him and practically forced him to abscond. Even after his departure, Lavan refused to reconsider his despicable behavior and resolve their differences in a meaningful way. In recognition of his blind hatred of Jacob and intense desire to harm him, Lavan was immortalized in the Pesach Haggadah where we speak of how Lavan “sought to eradicate the entire nation.”return to top
Rabbi Elazar Meisels can be reached at rabbimeisels@partnersintorah.orgThis page is dedicated to, and written for the 6,000 Partners in Torah mentors.
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Can't Wait To Date By: Rabbi Elazar Meisels
Dear Rabbi Meisels: Although I did not grow up religious, I have steadily grown in that direction since visiting Israel on a USY trip eight years ago. I spent a number of years studying in Israel and returned to the US to complete my degree a few years ago. I am now somewhat established and preparing to begin the dating process. I’m nervous and excited at the same time, and would appreciate any advice you could offer for someone like myself. I’ve spoken to my parents, but their lack of familiarity with the dating process in the religious world limits the extent of the practical advice they can offer me. Please help!
Jennifer W.
Jennifer: Congratulations on all you’ve accomplished thus far, and may I offer my sincere blessings that you continue to know success and happiness in your future! As you must know by now, dating in the religious world connotes something very different than in the non-Jewish world. You’re not merely looking for someone with whom to socialize for the next few years, and possibly even marry sometime down the road. Rather, the emphasis is on locating a suitable partner for marriage who will stand by you faithfully for the remainder of your earthly sojourn. Successful marriages are built upon a setup where each partner features character traits that complement the other, and challenges the other to grow in meaningful ways. Thus, the first thing you must do, is identify the areas in your personality that are intrinsic to who you are, and will accompany you throughout the remainder of your life. This will enable you to seek a compatible spouse more easily. By the time you actually start dating you should possess a fair knowledge of your strengths and weaknesses so as to help you identify the person who will best complement them. Although you write that your parents are not schooled in the ways of traditional dating, I believe that they still have much to offer you as you navigate these waters. Especially in this regard, your parents can prove very helpful since they’ve known you the longest and can probably assess your strengths and weaknesses better than anyone else.
Here are a few additional suggestions that you may wish to consider as you embark upon the dating process:
When looking for a suitable mate, make sure your focus is on the things that are important to you, not just to others. In other words, your goal should be on finding a person who has what it takes to make you happy and fulfilled, instead of seeking to meet the expectations of others.
It is crucial to do an honest self-assessment to determine where you stand currently on the religious spectrum and where you’d like to go in the future. Then try to find someone who is at a similar stage and possesses similar aspirations. A common mistake daters make, is to confuse their goals and aspirations with their current status. This can lead them to marry a person who is ill suited to them. Had they been more candid with themselves initially, they would have realized that they were on very different spiritual planes than the person they chose to marry, and avoided much heartache.
While there are many factors to consider in a spouse, some more important than others, one invariable point must be whether the person is a bonafide mentsh. There is no substitute for this trait in marriage and there are no rules as to who possesses this trait and who doesn’t. Wealthy and poor alike, are as likely to be mentshen as not. This should be high on your list of priorities and once again, your parents’ opinion should be factored in on this point. Their interest in your well-being is paramount, and could prove to be a very useful ally in your quest to find your match.
If you don’t already have one, find yourself a rabbi, rebbetzin, or mentor, who has the time and interest to assist you in researching prospective dates that are presented and deciding whether they’re worth a try. These people have vast experience in this field, and their perspective is invaluable.
Last, but not least, don’t forget to daven (pray) on a regular basis for Divine assistance. Our sages say that finding one’s match is as difficult as the “splitting of the sea.” Nevertheless, getting married is a mitzvah and one who endeavors to fulfill a mitzvah can expect a measure of Divine intervention to assist them in carrying out their plans.
This is a short list of things to consider and I’d advise you to continue this conversation with whomever you choose to mentor you through this process. Wishing you great success and may you merit to meet your match very soon and build a beautiful Jewish home!
Sincerely, Rabbi Meisels return to top
Rabbi Meisels can be reached at rabbimeisels@partnersintorah.org
The Midrash at the beginning of Parshas Vayeitzei, in discussing the prayer of Jacob, cites the famous prayer of King David in Tehillim (Psalms 121:1-2): I raise my eyes to the mountains — from whence will come my help (ezri)? My help will come from Hashem, the Creator of heaven and earth. The Midrash explains that when Jacob left to Charan, Isaac sent him without any riches, so Esau would not be tempted to pursue him. [According to other Midrashic sources, he was pursued by Elifaz, the son of Esau, who had been commanded by Esau to hunt Jacob down and kill him. When Elifaz confronted Jacob, Jacob convinced him to take all of his valuables and depart, using the logic that a poor man is the equivalent of a dead person.] Jacob, concerned as to how he would be able to attract a potential mate in his destitute state, asked: From where will my eizer [the word eizer is used in reference to a wife, as we find that Eve was called the eizer of Adam (Bereishis 2:18)] come? And immediately Jacob answered his own question: Shall I then place my hope in flesh and blood? I have nothing to fear, for My help will come from Hashem, the Creator of heaven and earth.
The בִּטָּחוֹן, trust in Hashem, that Jacob exhibited by declaring ``My help will come from Hashem" is a cornerstone of our belief system. However, we must understand how to reconcile the requirement of bitachon with the issue of הִשְׁתַּדְּלוּת, the effort that one must expend to attain his physical needs. If all of one's success or failure is preordained, why does he have to engage in worldly activities at all?
Mesillas Yesharim, in Middas Chassidus (Ch. 21), states that one's efforts, in fact, play no role in one's success or failure; they are merely a necessary onus placed on mankind as a result of Adam's sin (see Bereishis 3:19). Accordingly, he states, one should minimize his engagement in worldy affairs as much as possible, and with minimal effort one will be blessed with all his needs.
Although many masters of mussar (Jewish ethics) concur with this general approach, they note that this outlook is expected of one of truly elevated status. For the majority of people, it is sufficient that they be aware that ultimately, their welfare depends on Hashem alone, and that they should therefore not devote all their time to trying to better their circumstances (see Tenuas HaMussar 4:242). return to top
Hey, I never knew that! By Ozer Alport
Amazing Insights About the Weekly Parsha
Q:All Jews around the world are referred to as “Yehudim,” which has come to mean “Jews,” although it presumably is derived from the name of Yehuda, who was one of the 12 tribes. As the Jewish people are descended from all 12 of Jacob’s sons, why are we called by a name which specifically associates us with Yehuda, from whom we are clearly not all descended, rather than with any of the other tribes?
A Rabbi Yitzchak Meir Alter, author of Chiddushei HaRim, explains that after giving birth to her 4th son, the Torah tells us (29:35) that Leah chose to name him Yehuda, saying “this time I will thank Hashem.” Why did she only choose to thank Hashem after Yehuda’s birth and not after the birth of any of her first three sons? Rashi explains that Leah knew through Divine inspiration that there would be 12 tribes. Since Jacob had 12 wives, she assumed that each wife would merit giving birth to three of them. When she gave birth to a 4th son, whom she viewed as more than what she was expecting or entitled to, she decided to give special thanks to Hashem and give her son a name which would eternalize her expression of gratitude.
The Chiddushei HaRim writes that it is for this reason that we are called Yehudim. A thinking Jew should realize that Hashem does not owe him anything. Everything which we enjoy is because of Hashem’s infinite desire to give to us and to be good to us, but in no way is He indebted to us for anything we may desire or even need. A Jew must therefore view himself as a “Yehudi,” internalize the recognition that everything he enjoys in life is above and beyond the portion to which he is entitled, and give thanks to Hashem accordingly.
Q: The Torah tells us (30:22) that “Elokim” remembered the barren Rachel, heard her prayers and opened her womb. Rabbi Avraham Yaakov Pam questions the usage of the word “Elokim,” which corresponds to the Divine attribute of strict justice, when it should presumably have used the name Hashem, which reflects His attribute of mercy?
A:Rabbi Pam explains that Rachel was indeed barren and according to the laws of nature should not have had any children. However, when she gave the signs to her sister Leah so as not to embarrass her, she created such a tremendous merit for herself that Hashem’s sense of justice ultimately was compelled to change nature, make a miracle, and reward her with a child which she otherwise would not have had.
Imagine, writes Rabbi Elya Ber Wachtfogel, how Rachel must have felt. On the day of her wedding that she had been looking forward to for seven full years, she found out that her father was replacing her with her older sister. In a moment of pure selflessness, she managed to place her sister’s consideration before her very own. However, she was sure that the act she was committing would doom her never to marry Jacob and certainly to bear the holy tribes from him.
In Heaven, the reality was a bit different. Had she gone ahead and married Jacob, as was her right to do, she would have had a beautiful marriage, but unbeknownst to her, she was barren and would never have had any children from him. It was specifically through this act, which appeared to destroy her chances of having the children she so badly wanted, that she generated a merit for herself which would change her fate and that of the Jewish people. return to top
Ozer Alport can be reached at ozer@partnersintorah.org
Table Talk: For discussion around the Shabbos Table
?) Jacob worked for Lavan for seven years in order to marry Rachel. The Torah relates (29:20) that because of his great love for her, it seemed to him like a period of only a few short days. How is this to be understood, as our anxiety and impatience during times when we must wait for things that we love and look forward to makes the time appear to pass not faster but significantly slower? (Seforno, Rabbi Meir Leibush Malbim, Lev Eliyahu by Rabbi Eliyahu Lopian)
?) Rashi writes (30:23) that after giving birth to Yosef, Rachel expressed her gratitude that she now had somebody whom she could blame for any utensils in the house which broke or any food which was consumed. How could this seemingly trivial reason be the motivation for her tremendous yearnings to bear a child, and was the relationship between Jacob and his beloved Rachel really so fragile that she needed to fear his blame over every accidental mishap which occurred? (Yishm’ru Daas by Rabbi Dovid Povarsky, Aleinu L’shabeiach by Rabbi Yitzchak Zilberstein)
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