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Parsha Perspectives by Ozer Alport
(כי שרית עם אלקים ועם אנשים ותוכל (32:29
“For you have striven with the Divine and with men and have overcome.”
After ferrying his family across a river, Jacob returned to the other side to retrieve some small pitchers that he forgot. He was confronted by an angel, who wrestled with him throughout the night. After realizing that he could not overcome Jacob, the angel informed him that because he had successfully wrestled with Hashem and with men, his name would be changed to Israel.
Rashi explains that “with men” refers to Jacob’s triumphs over Lavan and Esau. As our parsha begins with Jacob being forced to give a substantial gift to Esau and to lower himself by bowing to his wicked brother in an attempt to placate his wrath, in what way can this be considered victorious? Wasn’t it Esau who emerged from their encounter with his ego intact after Jacob was forced to flatter and capitulate to him?
Rabbi Moshe Soloveitchik answers that this question is based on a common, fundamental misunderstanding of the definition of “success.” Victory is not defined as subduing and crushing the other side. Rather, it is defined by one’s objectives. A person who successfully accomplishes his goals, whatever they may be, is indeed victorious.
Jacob’s goal was to be able to pursue his service of Hashem and to raise his children to continue in his pious ways without outside distractions or interference. If the only way to accomplish that objective was to give Esau a considerable number of animals as a present and to humble himself before his arrogant brother, then he was quite willing and happy to do so.
Jacob was able to keep his eyes “on the prize,” focusing on the larger picture of his more important spiritual goals. Because he indeed pacified his brother’s wrath and was able to send him away and return to his service of Hashem, the Torah considers Jacob victorious.
From the Torah’s definition of success, a similar and critical lesson regarding shalom bayis (marital harmony) may be derived. If a person’s goal in life and in his marriage is to selfishly make sure that everything is done in accordance with his personal opinions and preferences, then any time that his spouse acquiesces he has succeeded in meeting his objectives, and any time that he is forced to give in then he has failed. While this model may be comfortable and familiar, it will not help a person find long-term happiness and satisfaction.
Rather, a person should strive to be mature enough to make his needs secondary to the greater cause and ultimate goal of establishing an atmosphere of love, trust, and mutual respect so that the Shechina (Divine Presence) will find a comfortable dwelling place in his home. A person who does so may find himself compromising more than he would have liked, but his ability to do so will allow him to successfully accomplish his true goal. He will reap the immeasurable benefits and security of a warm and loving relationship which is worth more than all of life’s mundane trivialities combined, and he will recognize that doing so makes him the real winner. return to top
Ozer Alport can be reached at ozer@partnersintorah.org
Please pray for a complete and speedy recovery for Bracha Sheindel Rachel bas Chaya Sarah & Mordechai Hirsch Ben Miriam
talking points - parshas VAYISHLACH
Rabbi Elazar Meisels
1. Strong Allies
“He commanded them saying, “This is what you should say to my master, Esau. ‘Your servant, Jacob says, I lived as a stranger with Lavan, and was delayed until now.’” 32:5
- I Lived As A Stranger – The gematria [numerical value] of the word, “garti”(lived), is 613. By using this term he implied, “I have lived with the wicked Lavan and yet have faithfully observed the 613 commandments and have not learned from his wicked deeds.” - Rashi (Rabbi Shlomo Yitzchaki, 1040-1105)
What point was Jacob trying to convey to Esau by referring to his piety while living with Lavan? Why did he believe that doing so would somehow affect Esau’s decision to attack him? Jacob understood that militarily, Esau was far too powerful to encounter in battle. Consequently, Jacob sought to dissuade Esau from pursuing his evil designs by impressing upon him that his physical strength would fade in the face of Jacob’s spiritual might. The twenty years he spent in the presence of the master sinner Lavan without succumbing to temptation, virtually guaranteed that Hashem would be on his side and help him defend himself against Esau and his formidable army.
2. See You Later
“Please my master, go on ahead of your servant. I will lead on gently, in my slow pace, according to the pace of the work that is before me, and according to the pace of the children, until I come to my master in Seir.” 32:14
o Until I Come To My Master In Seir – Jacob set a greater distance for his meeting Esau than he intended to travel, for he intended to go only until Sukkos. He thought to himself: ‘If he intends to harm me, let him wait until I come to him.’ And, therefore, he did not go to Seir. When will he eventually fulfill his promise to meet Esau at Seir? In the days of the Moshiach, as it is said: ‘And deliverers will go up to Mount Zion to judge Mount Esau.’ – Rashi
o Until “I Come” – The Hebrew word for “I come” is “Avo” whose numerical equivalent is 4. Jacob was hinting to Esau that only after the Four Exiles will he meet him, when Moshiach finally appears. – Baal HaTurim (Rabbi Jacob ben Asher, (1270-ca 1340)
o Until I Come To My Master In Seir – The Hebrew word used in this verse for Seir is “Seirah” whose letters comprise the words, “Shaar Yud Hey” which means, the 15th gate. This is a mystical allusion to the Messianic Era when the physical world represented by the number seven, and the spiritual world represented by the number eight, will converge. – Chassidis Masters
Although Jacob temporarily stayed Esau’s hand, he knew that his work was far from complete. It would be a great many years until Esau would agree to permanently set aside his enmity for Jacob and consent to work together with him for the betterment of the universe. This is what lay behind Jacob’s allusion to the Messianic Era; when the non-Jewish world will reconcile with the Jewish people to join hands and collaborate in the service of Hashem.
3. Unprovoked Hatred
“Jacob arrived whole [i.e. safely] at the city of Shechem, that is in the Land of Canaan, when he came from Padan Aram. He encamped before the city.” 33:18
o Jacob Arrived Whole – The Hebrew word for “Whole” is “Shalem” which is comprised of the letters Shin, Lamed, Mem. These letters correspond to “Shem” [name], “Lashon” [language], “Malbush” [clothing]; the three areas in which a Jew must stand out from the crowd. Our names, language, and form of dress, must be distinctive from our surroundings to assist us in recalling our special role in this world. – Chasam Sofer (Rabbi Moshe Sofer 1762 - 1839)
Jacob’s story is a phenomenal example of the power of faith and devotion to Hashem, and the immense benefits they accrue. By all accounts, he should have been dead, or dispirited and impoverished, at best. Lavan and Esau were intent on destroying him and possessed the means to do so, yet he emerged from their presence healthier, wealthier, and wiser, with a beautiful family of exceedingly righteous children. The root source of his success was his steadfast adherence to the principles of Torah and monotheism that he absorbed from his parents and grandparents.return to top
Rabbi Elazar Meisels can be reached at rabbimeisels@partnersintorah.orgThis page is dedicated to, and written for the 6,000 Partners in Torah mentors.
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TWO OR MORE? By: Mrs. Aliza Bulow
Dear Mrs. Bulow, Recently my mother gave me my grandmother’s candle sticks for a gift as I have a new daughter and I’d like to begin lighting Shabbos candles. My grandmother only had two candlesticks, however, and I have seen that some women light more than two candles. What exactly is the custom of how many candles we are supposed to light? Thanks so much, Julie K.
Dear Julie, How precious to have your grandmother’s candlesticks and how wonderful that you would like to revive this special mitzvah in the family that you are building. Lighting Shabbos candles brings peace into one’s life, one’s home and one’s family.
The actual legal requirement, as stated in the Code of Jewish Law (263), is to light one “nice” light. The author there mentions that some kindle that light with 2 wicks, one for “zachor-remember” and one for “shamor-observe” from the two verses “Remember the Shabbos day” (Ex. 20:8) and “Observe the Shabbos day” (Deut. 5:12), as they are listed in the two recordings of the Ten Commandments. Because of this, the universal custom today is to light a minimum of two candles.
It is customary to light the candles in the dining room. This both honors the Sabbath and creates an ambiance that increases our enjoyment of the food we eat on Friday night, thereby fulfilling the additional mitzvah of “oneg” or taking pleasure in the Sabbath. On a physical level, the Shabbos lights preserve family harmony by helping to prevent accidents that may happen in the dark.
An additional reason for lighting two candles is because of the Jewish tradition that compares candles to souls. In Proverbs (20:27) it says, “the candle of G-d is the soul of man”. On Shabbos we receive an additional soul to help us absorb the additional holiness of the day, so we light one candle for our weekday soul and one for our Shabbos soul.
Still others see the candles as each representing a soul in the household. The first two candles represent the husband and wife, and an additional candle is added for each child born to them. The source for this custom is the Talmud (Shabbos 25a) where it says “whoever regularly fulfills the mitzvah of kindling (additional) Shabbos lights will have children and sons-in law who are Torah scholars.”
Kindling one light for each soul in the household is also indicative of the special light that each individual shines into the world. When my children were little, they gathered around me for candle lighting and each clamored to know which was “their” light. Sometimes I would let them “help me” light their candle.
There are other customs for lighting additional candles as well. Some kindle seven lights to parallel the seven days of creation or the seven branches of the Temple menorah. Some light 10 for the Ten Commandments (Shelah, Orach Chaim 263:1). In addition, there is a Chassidic custom to kindle 36 lights to allude to the 36 hours that the original light of creation shone in the world before it was hidden.
Our mystics tell us that Shabbos is a brilliant source of light. It doesn’t need illumination but it itself illuminates, filling every Jewish home with splendor upon its arrival. By kindling the Shabbos lights, we start the flow of Divine light that is meant for our benefit. Additionally, while Shabbos came at the end of the process of Creation, it is now the fuel that sustains it. Since light was the first thing that Hashem created, it is the first thing that we do as we bring in the Sabbath day that reinfuses the world with energy.
It is the privilege and the responsibility of the Jewish people, and in this case, particularly the Jewish woman, to bring light into the world. Whether you light two candles, or you follow one of the customsa custom of lighting more than two, I’m sure that your grandmother’s soul will be proud of your desire to light up your family and your life with the light of Shabbos.
With warmth and respect,
Aliza Bulow
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Aliza Bulow can be reached at abulow@partnersintorah.org
The Torah relates that after Jacob left Succos, he traveled to Shechem: Jacob came intact to the city of Shechem, which is in the land of Canaan, upon his coming to Paddan-aram, and he encamped before the city (Bereishis 33:18).
Rashi explains that the word שָׁלֵם, intact or complete, teaches us that Jacob was ``complete" in all the areas of his life. He was intact bodily, for he was cured of the injury that he had received while struggling with the angel. Second, he was intact monetarily — he did not suffer any monetary loss as a result of the gift that he gave Esau. Finally, he was intact with his Torah, for while he had been in Lavan's house he did not forget what he had learned from his father.
The Talmud Shabbos (33b) connects this to the end of the verse, and he encamped before the city. Rashi there explains the word וַיִּחַן, and he camped, as a term that connotes favor. In other words, he did something which was favorable and accepted by the local townspeople.
There are three opinions as to exactly what Jacob did. Either (1) he instituted new coinage; (2) he improved the marketplaces; or (3) he built bathhouses. Why did Jacob find it necessary to do these things at this point in time, at this place, while coming to Shechem?
Midrash Rabbah (76:6) states that from here we learn that a person must show his gratitude to any place from which he has benefited. The Talmud in Shabbos that we mentioned explains this benefit as the miracle that he was saved from Esau. Although this was not a direct result of his being in that city, nevertheless because Jacob felt grateful in that place for the miracle that just occurred, that is where he wanted to benefit the local residents.
The Talmud says that Rav Shimon ben Yochai was finally able to leave the cave in which he had hidden from the Romans for twelve years. He followed Jacob's example, and looked for some way to improve the city where he had been hiding. In the end, he accomplished this by cleaning the city of Tiberias from any doubtful impurity.
An important lesson can be seen here. If a person derives pleasure or some type of benefit from a place, even indirectly, he is obligated not only to verbally thank those who live there, but to actively do something or build something for the public to enjoy.
It is well known that Rav Moshe Feinstein would constantly say that we must show appreciation and gratitude to the American government for allowing us a safe haven in this country, where we can freely live as religious Jews. To indicate our gratitude, he said that we should actively show our respect to the country and perform our duties as local citizens. This is a perfect example of emulating the actions of Jacob. return to top
Hey, I never knew that! By Ozer Alport
Amazing Insights About the Weekly Parsha
Q:It is peculiar to note that after hearing another person recite any blessing, we answer simply, “Amen,” with one exception. After hearing somebody say Birkas HaGomel (the Blessing of Thanksgiving), we respond at length: “אמן מי שגמלך כל טוב הוא יגמלך כל טוב סלה” – He who has bestowed upon you all good should continue to bestow upon you all good, something we find in no other place. What is unique about this blessing, and why is our response to hearing it different than to any other blessing?
A: Rashi explains (32:11) that although Hashem had promised to protect Jacob and return him safely to the land of Canaan, he feared that perhaps the miracles Hashem had subsequently performed for him had depleted his supply of merits, as the Gemora in Shabbos (32a) states that miracles which are performed on behalf of a person subtract from his accumulated merits in the World to Come. With this insight, the Shalmei Nedarim explains that Birkas HaGomel is recited after a person has been saved from illness or other potential danger. While we are happy that the person making the blessing survived, we are also afraid that it may have come at the expense of whatever merits he had accumulated until now. Therefore, a simple “Amen” won’t suffice, and we must add a special supplication requesting that the good should continue and not be depleted through this miracle.
Q: Rabbi Shlomo HaKohen of Vilna quotes an amazing fact in the name of his father. He writes that in the Messianic era the consumption of the gid ha’nashe (sciatic nerve), which is presently forbidden, will become permitted. Why will this prohibition no longer be applicable, and where is this alluded to in the Torah?
A: He explains that this is because there are 365 sinews in the human body, each of which mystically corresponds to one of the days of the solar calendar. The Holy Zohar teaches that the sciatic nerve corresponds to Tisha B’Av, and that by dislodging it, Esau’s angel gave strength to his descendants to destroy the Holy Temple twice on that day. However, in the times of Moshiach, when the damage caused by Esau’s action will be reversed and the Holy Temple permanently rebuilt, this reason will no longer be applicable and the gid ha’nashe will once again be permitted. This fascinating change is actually hinted to in the Torah (32:33). In relating the prohibition against eating the sciatic nerve, the Torah states that as a result of the angel’s wounding Jacob in that place, the Jewish people don’t eat it until the present day, which implies that there will come a time after the present day when it will indeed be eaten!.
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Ozer Alport can be reached at ozer@partnersintorah.org
Table Talk: For discussion around the Shabbos Table
?) 1) Rashi writes (32:23) that because Jacob placed Dina in a box and withheld her from being a positive influence on his brother Esau, he was punished when she was abducted by Sh’chem. Why was Jacob punished for simply trying to protect his daughter from his wicked brother? (Yishm’ru Daas by Rabbi Dovid Povarsky, Noam HaMussar by Rabbi Nosson Wachtfogel)
?) 2) All Jews around the world are referred to as “Yehudim.” Most commentators explain that it is derived from the name of Yehuda, who was one of the 12 tribes and merited to eternally connect his name with Judaism. Rashi writes (36:2) that one of Esau’s wives was named Ohalivama, but he called her “Yehudis” in an effort to trick his father Isaac into thinking that he was righteous and had married a virtuous woman. As Esau married her roughly 40 years before the birth of Yehuda, this would seem to indicate that it was a “Jewish” name in its own right, even before the birth of Yehuda. What is the intrinsic “Jewish” quality in the names Yehuda and Yehudis? (Hint: Look at the Hebrew spelling of both names)
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